I had a conversation (via text) with my BFF Jennifer this morning that reminded me (after the fact) of a great movie quote.
One thing that J and I love to do is to make plans for races where we can meet up. Time together is a treat when your BFF lives on the other side of the country! I was saying to her that since we met at Disney, that one year we should try to meet up there again (and she lives in Florida so no airfare needed for her). She pointed out that I have always run well there too, and even pulled off PR's in the half marathon and in the marathon in back to back days when I did the Goofy Challenge. She said I was superwoman and I said, "I used to be. I need to get that back."
J said, "It is in you. You have it. Never lost it. Had it even before you ran your first step."
It reminds me of Alice in Wonderland when The Mad Hatter says to Alice, "You're not the same as you were before. You were much more..."muchier" You've lost your "muchness". Alice says, "My muchness?" And Mad Hatter points to Alice's heart and says, "In there."
I know my muchness is still in there and I am going to find it, just like Alice.
I think back to that Goofy challenge. Tons of people told me I couldn't PR in a half marathon and a marathon in back to back days. I never even entertained the idea that I couldn't. And I did. I ran a 1:35 and then a 3:27 (which were both PR's for me then). No doubts. Lots of muchness.
What happened between then and now? I overtrained, I got a little burnt out, I had some bad races, I let a nasty person get in my head more than I should have, my confidence took a good shaking, and then just as things were coming back together, I got injured. There have definitely been some challenges.
Outside of running there have been challenges too. One of the biggest is that we have had a ton of financial stress and I let that wear on me a lot. More than I should. It is extra frustrating considering Josh is working four jobs - three part time and one full time (his own graphic design business, head of advertising at our local newspaper, coaching three sports in the schools and janitor) and I have my coaching. You would think with all of those jobs and the stress that it puts on Josh, on me, on "us", and on our family, that we could at least pay the bills and buy groceries and gas without stressing each month. But stress we do.
But I have really been trying the last couple of weeks to focus on the good, in running and in life. Of course there is stress. No one gets through life without it. (Just like no one who runs and races often gets through it without some bad races). And I am very aware that my life is full of joy and blessings and I am so grateful for this life we have. The big picture is awesome.
We had a wonderful weekend! Besides the CPR/First Aid course I had to take on Saturday morning and church on Sunday, we spent the whole weekend home together as a family. Josh and I got LOTS of much needed time together, including a "date" we went on to watch Nate's football game Friday night. Time with Josh, time with the kids, time running - a perfect weekend (even if the dang Giants lost). :)
My feet are hanging in there. They are not 100% so we are still being careful with mileage and speed, but Coach is thinking that another couple of weeks like this and we can get back to "hammering". I am so grateful to have Coach through all of this. He is really helping me rehab smartly and I know with his guidance and my determination I have a lot more PR's ahead.
It's time to truly focus on the good, let go of stress, feel the joy, leg go of doubt, take back my confidence.
As of today, I am committed to getting my muchness back. I am going to be much more muchier. :)