Sunday, October 7, 2012

Whispers of doubt

In the spirit of keeping it real on this blog, I am sharing some honest thoughts.

Some days doubt whispers in my mind.

It whispers that I am not fast enough, that I am not strong enough, that I can't and won't be as good as I want to be. It whispers that I am not as good as others. It whispers that I am putting in all this hard work for nothing. It whispers that I can't do it. It whispers that I am fooling myself thinking I can be the kind of marathoner I dream of being.

I am not going to lie and say I never doubt myself, because I do.  It hurts to work so hard towards something and not see the results you want. It's frustrating. It's discouraging. It lets doubt creep in to your head and whisper nasty thoughts.

When doubt whispers, we have two choices. We can listen - we can get discouraged - we can believe the lies - we can quit and give up.

Or, we can tell doubt to shut up.

Today I let doubt slip in and let myself feel discouraged.

But it didn't last long. I reminded myself of how far I have come in a short period of time. I reminded myself how much work I have done. I reminded myself of the race successes I have had. I reminded myself not to compare myself to others, and that I will progress at my own pace. I reminded myself of all the people who love me, support me, believe in me, encourage me, lift me up, and help me fly. I reminded myself how much I love this sport, and that that is why I am doing what I am doing. And I reminded myself that my best, whatever that turns out to be, will be good enough.

I told doubt to shut up.

I will not believe the lies that doubt whispers. I will not doubt myself. I WILL believe in myself. I will believe in my training. I will believe in my coach. I will believe in the heart and determination that I have.

And I will get back to work. :)

Faith always triumphs over doubt.

"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy." - Dale Carnegie

14 comments:

Beth @ Miles and Trials said...

Erin, thank you for being real and honest on your blog. I have been struggling with some doubt lately too, and it is comforting to hear how someone else is working through it. You are such an inspiration to so many, no matter what the number at the end of a race says.

coach dion said...

There are lots of goals (running goals) in my life that I never made, I'm not sad about that, and I still believe I could have got them... But take my marathon: I wanted to run a sub 2h30, I never did, I ran a 2h32 in the wind and a 2h33 in the forest. But I still love the hard training and running the marathon, will I now that I'm in my 40's try again, I don't think so it's to much like hard work and I just want to have fun...

I know you can run a lot faster, and you will, will you run that 2h46 I don't know, but it's one step at a time. I would say hit the shorter races after NY and get use to running fast...

Good luck

Anonymous said...

My girl, you have inspired me and countless others by getting up every day and not listening to "the voice inside your head" that tells you to roll over and go back to sleep when your alarm rings at 4:30m. Doubt is that voice that went back sleep. You have kicked its butt time and time again. Maybe it was just feeling alittle uppity lately and needed a smack down. I have no doubt you gave it a good one! I love you,
Pam

Vicky Cook said...

I think I can help here. When I ran as a kid I couldn't wrap my head round the fact that if I was giving 100% and could only manage a 2:19 800m how was I ever going to find 22 seconds to be where I ultimately wanted to be? I thought I'd somehow have to dig deeper, find more, try harder and I was already giving everything I had in every training session and race. I was told so much of running is in your head, and I guess it proved to be but not in the way those around me told me. I wouldn't have to try harder, give any more, all I had to do was keep going. As I matured and the systems we are doing these threshold, cruise intervals etc etc etc to improve, WOULD have improved. Understand why you're doing what you're doing - every single run and know the effort doesn't have to get more you're 'systems' just need time to develop. I am NO expert, by any means, I am learning all the time but I do believe in what my coach and Coach Dion above said. SPEED is key, short races all spring/summer. You've got to run faster to get faster! We share the same goal and I know, this time round, it will NOT be the doubts that stop me from getting there!

Anonymous said...

"No matter our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born." -Dale Turner

{lifeasa}RunningMom said...

Thank you for posting just what I needed to hear.

SWMom said...

I told doubt to shut up myself, yesterday. I must have been in a similar rut. I had knee surgery July 11th and I was challenged by my coach to run my first 5K distance post-op. I failed Friday, but I KILLED IT yesterday. In my new purple PureFlows. It might have been the shoes, but it might have been my stubborn determination :) Your blog is so important to me as a Mom and a runner, please never doubt you're A-MAZING! I have high hopes for your next race! As my husband says, "Keep your bobber up!" Tiff

Annie Crow said...

Just like everyone here has said, this was exactly what I needed to read today. Doubts have been assailing me. I think I need to get honest (on my blog at least) about what the things are I'm trying to accomplish, 'cause otherwise it would be just too easy to let the doubts erode those goals.

Terzah said...

Doubt is natural and part of the process (believe me, I know it well!). You are right about hard work being an antidote--but enjoyment is, too. Don't let the doubt ruin the enjoyment, my friend! We all know you can do it!

lindsay said...

i sometimes wonder if i should essentially give up on my dreams (because maybe they're too out of reach). but i haven't yet (and it's been 4 years since i started really thinking about it)... i've had some ups and a lot of downs so far, but i can't bring myself to let go and give up. i'd rather fail trying i guess - then i will know i gave it a fair shot, everything i had.

hang in there!

Christina said...

Awww, I think you are completely normal to have these feelings. We all do, with all aspects of life. Self-doubt is something that happens to the best of us and I sometimes think it is a good thing. It keeps us humble and balanced. Once you get over-confident, you let training slip, you let other aspects of your goals fall through, due often to over-confidence. I believe you will reach your goals, each month is one month closer, one step at a time. There will be highs and lows, no road traveled is ever completely flat :) You will make it!

Mark Matthews said...

Faster runners like yourself don't talk on this much. Great post.

thegardenofclio.com said...

love this! that quote is perfect!

Jen@runfortheboys said...

I'm gonna kick your doubt's ass. Nobody puts baby in the corner. Tell that doubt to BRING IT. This redneck girl don't play. Love, Your BFF