Classify this post under the category of "keeping it real".
The last couple of weeks I have been doubting myself. I have been questioning if I am as fast as I think I am or if I can be as fast as I want to be. I am not sure why. Self-doubt and insecurity are a big part of who I used to be, but not a big part of who I am now (most of the time) or more importantly, who I want to be.
On my run today I did a lot of talking to myself (in my head). I reminded myself of how far I have come... that three years ago I was still over 200lbs and couldn't run a mile, and that one year ago I was gearing up for my first marathon. I thought about recent races and the successes I have had. I told myself not to compare myself to other runners. I reviewed training runs over the past few months that I nailed and which hint that faster race times are within my reach. Maybe most importantly, I reminded myself that I run because I love it. I run because it's fun. I run because I am strong and committed and determined. I run because it makes me feel amazingly good, physically and emotionally.
I thought about Bart Yasso telling me that I have a "runner's body" and look like I am "built to run fast". (My favorite running compliment ever. If he says that to everyone, please don't tell me).
While I run because it is fun, I do also want to be competitive. I like racing and I enjoy pushing myself. I want to be fast and to get faster. I want to do well. I want to better my times. I would love some age group placings and wins.
I need to remember -
Patience. Trust in the training. Have faith in the process. Believe in myself. Don't be afraid of big goals. I am putting the work in, and I have to believe in myself. I have to find satisfaction in achieving my best, whatever that is.
Courage, Faith, Strength.
I am on my own running journey. I don't know where it will take me, but I am going to enjoy the journey.
Do you ever get plagued by self doubt or insecurity? How do you handle it?